Something Feral

Digging up the flower-beds.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

UK: Unlawful Knives

Being able to predict these things doesn't make me happier when it happens:
The researchers said there was no reason for long pointed knives to be publicly available at all.

They consulted 10 top chefs from around the UK, and found such knives have little practical value in the kitchen.

Some observations from this particular article:

- Academic titles are not an accurate rubric for intelligence, only for adherence to scholastic dogma.

- It may be noted that a straight-razor has no pointed tip on the end, and yet no sane individual would argue that it is not a potentially lethal weapon. Alternately, a stilleto has no edge, but the point and structure of the blade make it singularly useful to perforate the target.

- In order to prove the general case, a study will now be done on the theory that sharp items may have increased chances for inflicting lacerations/incisions when handled in a negligent manner. Licenses will be proposed and issued after background-checks, and mandatory registration of said objects will be effective immediately. Cue blunt-object assault epidemic. Rinse and repeat.

- A longer knife is more difficult to conceal on one's person, and is more easily blocked in hand-to-hand combat. From the mouth of the Home Office spokesperson:
"The law already prohibits the possession of offensive weapons in a public place, and the possession of knives in public without good reason or lawful authority, with the exception of a folding pocket knife with a blade not exceeding three inches."

As the flight attendants on the various hijacked flights on September 11, 2001 would testify, a three-inch blade is more than adequate for dispatching a struggling victim.

Evidently, the Der Staat did get the memo:
United Kingdom police have arrested 2,500 people and stopped and searched a total of 55,000 during a massive clampdown on knife crime prompted by a series of high-profile murders, the Home Office said on Monday...

Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced at the launch of the programme that prosecutors should get tough on young people found carrying weapons, with a presumption to prosecute those aged 16 or 17 rather than to let them off with a caution.

Smith said in London alone, prosecutions for possession of a bladed weapon or knife had increased by 150% since April compared with the same period in 2007.

As part of the programme, officers have also carried out home visits or sent letters to parents of those suspected of carrying knives.

But it's in our best interests, of course, since no one has been arrested without just cause. Just kidding:
They behaved as if they had never seen a penknife before, pulling out the bottle-opener, the corkscrew, the thing that gets stones out of horses' hooves. "This device has a locking blade," said the constable. My goodwill towards the police began to give way to alarm. I reached for my mobile to call the lawyers and explain that I was going to be late but the constable stopped me. "Turn that phone off," he said. "You're about to be arrested for possessing offensive weapons and carrying a bladed instrument in public. You'll be allowed one call when we get you to Charing Cross police station."

My advice to you amiable folk across the pond: Get armed, get a clue, or get out. Your government isn't concerned with your safety. They can't, and more importantly, they won't save you. You are fatted lambs, and the gates to the slaughterhouse are opening.

But who am I kidding? There's a saying here: So goes California, so goes the nation. The United States has an absolutely distasteful habit of looking to Europe, and particularly the UK for "progressive viewpoints". What exactly are you, you lot of livestock, progressing to? Some of you might get it, but it's comfortable to believe that it won't happen, and you'll shake the feeling for a few days. But it comes back, doesn't it?

You always keep the animal calm before the knife comes out.


Triton said...

Those people are lunatics.

They deserve what they're gonna get from the muslims.

Something Feral said...

I couldn't agree more. The sheer magnitude of idiocy involved is staggering, in every sense of the term.

Until they did it, I wouldn't have truly believed that it could have been done. For all the cynicism, I suppose I must be an inveterate optimist.